.Wow how time flies, I was just trolling the net today and realized I had not been to my blog for quite a while. So here I am. trying to recall the last 4 and 1/2 months.. My last post was about my precious Princess winning the best costume. A lot has happened since then and I'm sure I can't remember everything that has been achieved since that date. I do know I've had an anniversary 36 yrs and then there was Thanksgiving and Christmas both which were small Paul, Sherry and Noah spent time with us and of course I enjoy every minute I get to spend with them. Yet I miss the time I don't get to spend with Natassja and her family. Life has thrown me some curve balls in my 56 yrs but the last one has been the hardest. I am not a fan of baseball so if I get some of the terms wrong please forgive me. But the Curve ball that was sent my way 8 yrs ago almost put me out of the game. You wonder why things come your way? I am still wondering. In those yrs so many things came flying at me that I didn't have time to duck and cover and was totally devastated. I Have tried hard to hold it together and not let anyone know how I feel but I am sure at times it showed through. At one time I had dreams and anticipation but that was a long time ago. Now it is wishes and hopes and those are very scares. One of my dreams was to be a close knit family and my children live close enough that I could see them and my grandchildren regularly and be able to play and enjoy the grand babies to see each of their little milestones.But that isn't for me other people get to enjoy my grandma moments. Every other place that I have lived whether here or abroad I have been blessed with wonderful and close friends.but here I have none. No one I can talk to, cry with or go someplace with.. I sit day after day with me myself and I wishing.It is lonely and then on top of all that this year something happened that I really didn't know what had slapped me. I can't put it down here it was just to personal I am still reeling it is so fresh.
I am trying to make this year a different year hopefully I will get some courage to step out and start making myself be happy. I only have me right now. I need to get up and get out and do something before I die.
I am going to be 57 here real soon and I feel like the last 8 years are one big blur and that they have been wasted. Prayerfully with the help of God I can see this year as a turning point.
Oops didn't mean to write all this but I know no one ever reads my blog so it didn't hurt to relieve my sorry self and try and get some peace. Trying to look up.
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